do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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