I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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