he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
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The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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