New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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