I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
