You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
