youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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