My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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