Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
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I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
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Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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