were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
