This girl is more easily done than said...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
