What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
