If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Blood and glitter go together right?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
