They should really pass out barf bags in church
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
