Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
