Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
