i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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