I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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