Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
