He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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