I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
