that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
