By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
