then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
