went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
