I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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