please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
