I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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