dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
