Nicole vs. Life
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
