Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
