Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
