I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This is my gift to your gina
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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