Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
