It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
All the doctor said was why
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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