Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
