Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
