when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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