My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
