I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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