The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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