I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
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