I wish life had little blips of pornography
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
