i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
