i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
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