perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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