Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
