i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There r osticjed everywhere
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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