Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
