it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
