So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
