im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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