But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize