what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
