I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
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he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
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What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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