girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
