Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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