Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it