The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
This house was built for laser tag.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.