I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.