someone get that fucking seahorse.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this