Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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