my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
