i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
