I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
